I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
