Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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