i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
