Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
