she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
