you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
