Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
