I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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