I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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