I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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