Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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