Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
