u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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