im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
