U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize