butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
