About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
