Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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