You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
