Will you blow on my dice?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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