my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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