Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
