what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
