i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
