You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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