we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We named our party play list daddy issues
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
