dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
