so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
