speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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