I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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