I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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