if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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