My cat gives me a boner
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I need moral support for this bender
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
