I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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