He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
