if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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