We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
