a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
