my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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