is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
