why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
