She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
do herpes really smell.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
