I just threw up on my dentist
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
