Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
