Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
