ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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