so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You ruined the universe
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
