do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
