I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
