ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize