Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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