Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
