Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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