I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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