just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
