You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
