i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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