Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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