He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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