glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize