I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
