it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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