Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
