wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
