I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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