My first STD was from a foam party
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
