I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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