This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
