You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So squirting runs in the family.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
