I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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