marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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