i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
