Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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