Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
