Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
