So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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