Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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