hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
3pm strippers are depressing
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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