There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
