I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
