youre lurking in front of me
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
