is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
