Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
