weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
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