as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
