Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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