put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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