it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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