Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
