i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
