literally had 100 drinks last night.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
