wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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