not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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