I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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