dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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