Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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