do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
