The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
