Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
