Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
