Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
