I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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