Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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