Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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