I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
