hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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