tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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