In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
