I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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