HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
