You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
