We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
