And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize